Family Reunions

There are times when I think I am really on target with the importance of families…then someone hands me the request to write a blog on “family reunions.” Hum…not really feeling on target anymore. Do you ever feel this way? The word, “reunion” can stir up a wide range of feelings, good, and bad, confusing, exhilarating and everything in between.

Now my dad, who is now 98, makes going to his family reunion one of his highest priorities. He makes sure he is driven across 3 states to attend his yearly family reunion. I try to put myself in his situation, to attempt to understand why this is such a priority to him. I understand he wants to spend even a short time with his only remaining sibling. I know he enjoys seeing the nearly 100 relatives who attend. I often hear him ask about the members who aren’t in attendance…almost like saying he misses their presence. He gets a big kick out of having the largest group in attendance from his lineage. He is obviously a proud member of this larger clan.

Do reunions make you happier, healthier? Probably…research shows that connecting with others is important in terms of having people feel happier and healthier. Connecting with a large group helps in a variety of ways… perhaps with getting a new job, place to stay, or just needing to know more about whatever! More minds know more. (Well, that’s true in most families!)

Family reunions may be the only place multiple generations meet, besides funerals or weddings. Generally they’re held at pleasant places, which tend to make for happy times (unlike funerals.) Family reunions can also be a place to heal old wounds. They can be a place to learn about one’s heritage, or medical genetic information. Reunions can be a place to share “brag stories” about our families. (I think all reunions should offer a “show and tell” table, where each family can place photos, old and new, or other memorabilia to view.) It can be a place to share e-mail addresses, making communication easier and hence making closer relationships. Closer relationships (or friendships) are the true blessings of families. With more and more families adopting, it can also be a great way for new members to meet and bond.

Think of the great lengths people who do not know their ancestry take in order to know their relatives. It’s just cool to know your history, as well as the history being made right now. You can think of each member being a story, plus taking time to share “your” story…who you are and what makes you interesting. Make time to attend yours, and take your kids. Do the same for your spouse/significant other, and they’ll be more likely to return the favor. Guess there are lots of good reasons to go to one’s family reunion. Go ahead and make it a priority…bet you’ll be glad you did!

Carol Cochard Pool, MSW

Cell Phones and Kids

A cell phone lets you stay in touch with your children at almost all times. In addition to being practical, having a cell phone can help you easily get in touch with your kids in case of an emergency. This extra sense of security and safety that a cell phone provides is probably the key reason that parents should even consider getting their younger children a cell phone. A cell phone can also be an important way to keep in touch with your older teen, especially if they are driving.



Although the increased independence that a cell phone might offer a child can be good, it can also be a negative thing. Consider that with a cell phone, your child will simply have another way to communicate with the outside world that you will have little supervision over. And keep in mind that most of today's cell phones offer almost complete internet access, with web browsing, email, chat, and instant messaging, that is much harder to filter and control as compared to your home computer.



Cell phones may even be a distraction to kids. We all know that they are a distraction for drivers, but one study has also shown that cell phones can be a big distraction for kids crossing the street and could lead to more accidents and injuries.



Cell phones also put your child at risk for getting in trouble for:

■sexting - sending or receiving nude pictures or classmates
■prank calls - which can get your child in trouble if someone starts pranking other people from your child's phone


Whether or not your child is ready for or needs a cell phone is something a parent will have to decide for themselves. Do make sure that your child can handle the responsibility for a cell phone though, before you buy one. Also remember that you can buy a phone that is just a phone; it doesn’t have to have internet access.



Source: About.com “Kids and Cell Phones”

July is National Make A Difference for Children Month

Some years ago I directed a jobs program for urban teens. Penny was one of our bright stars. Her appearance was a little startling at first. It was the mid-80s, and she embraced every 80s fashion trend short of the Madonna-wear-your-undies-outside-your-clothes thing. She loved bright blue eye shadow and wore tons of black eyeliner. Her hair was black and spiky, full of various mousses and gels. She looked hard and tough, but the truth is she was one of the sweetest kids I knew. She worked hard, helped her coworkers, stepped in to solve conflicts, you name it.

So you can imagine how surprised I was one day when the kids were coming in after school and I overheard Penny outside my office. She was telling her friends about an argument she’d had with a teacher, and that she’d really stood up to him. In the vernacular of the day, she called him “everything but a child of God.”

Oh dear. Our program required kids to maintain good grades. If Penny was getting into it with teachers, her grades would soon reflect that. I knew better than to bring it up in front of her friends, so I waited. Just before quitting time, I took her aside and explained what I’d overheard. “Did this really happen?” I asked. “Oh, yeah,” she nodded.

“Penny, I don’t get it. Why are you being a hell raiser at school and you’re such a joy to be with here?”

She cocked her head to one side and smiled, as though I were a small child. “Oh, Maaaary,” she said. “C’mon. You know me.”

It took me a moment, but then I realized what she meant. I did know her. I knew her family. I’d visited their home many times. I knew about her absent father who never called, and about her mom who worked long hours to keep food on the table and a roof over their heads. I knew how on the edge they lived, and that an unexpected car repair or medical bill would bring down the delicate house of cards that was their daily existence. I knew about Penny’s older brother who’d been in trouble with the law. I knew all of this, and Penny knew I knew all of this and that I didn’t judge her for it the way some others did.

Penny could just be who she was when she came to the youth program. She didn’t have to be tough, she didn’t have to put up a front, because we’d created a safe place for her to be. She understood that the guidance we provided wasn’t an attack and therefore didn’t require any defense on her part. At the risk of sounding self-congratulatory, it is clear that what we did at that little program made a difference for Penny and for many other kids.

“You know me.” What human being doesn’t crave the sweetness of being known in a way that allows us to relax our defenses?

July is National Make A Difference for Children Month. This is a month often marked by family gatherings, picnics, reunions and vacations; it is a month when families get to spend more time together. Whether you have kids or not, I urge you to take some time to consider how precious our children are.

As adults, we have enormous power to affect the lives of children in positive ways. This month—and every month—let us dedicate ourselves to creating a world where they can flourish. For July, consider doing these three things:

1. Commit to do one special thing with a child in July—make some kind of positive difference for that child.
2. Support an organization that focuses on children—there are many from which to choose! Support them with what you have to give, whether that is your time, your talents or your treasure.
3. Communicate with your elected leaders to make children a priority in policy and budget issues they address.
It has been said that children are one-third of our population and 100% of our future. That future begins now. Small steps can make a huge difference!

Mary Armstrong-Smith, PCAIN Community Partners Director

Invest in Our Children

This week, we all found out the fate of Casey Anthony. We were already painfully aware of the fate of her two year old daughter, Caylee. We will probably never know the truth of what happened to this child, but we do know the truth of what happens to so many children like Caylee: They die needlessly, and they usually die in a manner that could have been prevented.

During such high profile cases, we at Prevent Child Abuse Indiana are often asked what we think, or how we feel about the perpetrator, or what we feel could have been done to prevent such a tragedy. Since we weren’t there, we don’t know what could have been done in this particular case. We do know what can be done for the future to help promote the welfare of children though, and it’s very simple…we have to start putting children first…not just in rhetoric, but in reality. We have said before that it’s okay to feel angry, or sad, or confused when these unthinkable things happen to the most vulnerable among us. However if we get stuck in those emotions, we may not be able to respond in such a way that prevents those things from happening again.

When children are not being cared for, or not being provided every opportunity to thrive, then the toll on them, their families, their community, and society as a whole is immense. Polls show that people care what happens to children, and that programs that benefit children should not be cut. People understand that not investing in children in the short run, will be much more expensive in the long run. When we talk about investing in children, we are not necessarily talking about money. There are many ways in which people and communities can invest. They can invest time, interest, and their passion for doing what’s right for children. Scenes that show crowds outside of courthouses during trials are the scenes we want to see outside of playgrounds, parks, Statehouses, schools, daycares. If people can make the time to gather in outrage, they can make the time to gather to champion the rights of children…because the former will usually result in feelings of hopelessness, while the latter will result in a better future for everyone.

Have a Safe 4th of July

With warm weather and family events, the Fourth of July can be a fun time with great memories. But before your family celebrates, make sure everyone knows about fireworks safety.

If not handled properly, fireworks can cause burn and eye injuries in kids and adults. The best way to protect your family is not to use any fireworks at home — period. Attend public fireworks displays, and leave the lighting to the professionals.

Lighting fireworks at home isn't even legal in many areas, so if you still want to use them, be sure to check with your local police department first. If they're legal where you live, keep these safety tips in mind:

1. Kids should never play with fireworks. Things like firecrackers, rockets, and sparklers are just too dangerous. If you give kids sparklers, make sure they keep them outside and away from the face, clothing, and hair. Sparklers can reach 1,800° Fahrenheit (982° Celsius) — hot enough to melt gold.

2. Buy only legal fireworks (legal fireworks have a label with the manufacturer's name and directions; illegal ones are unlabeled), and store them in a cool, dry place. Illegal fireworks usually go by the names M-80, M100, blockbuster, or quarter-pounder. These explosives were banned in 1966, but still account for many fireworks injuries.

3. Never try to make your own fireworks.

4. Always use fireworks outside and have a bucket of water and a hose nearby in case of accidents.

5. Steer clear of others — fireworks have been known to backfire or shoot off in the wrong direction. Never throw or point fireworks at someone, even in jest.

6. Don't hold fireworks in your hand or have any part of your body over them while lighting. Wear some sort of eye protection, and avoid carrying fireworks in your pocket — the friction could set them off.

7. Point fireworks away from homes, and keep away from brush and leaves and flammable substances. The National Fire Protection Association estimates that local fire departments respond to more 50,000 fires caused by fireworks each year.

8. Light one firework at a time (not in glass or metal containers), and never relight a dud.

9. Don't allow kids to pick up pieces of fireworks after an event. Some may still be ignited and can explode at any time.

10. Soak all fireworks in a bucket of water before throwing them in the trash can.

11. Think about your pet. Animals have sensitive ears and can be extremely frightened or stressed on the Fourth of July. Keep pets indoors to reduce the risk that they'll run loose or get injured.

If a child is injured by fireworks, immediately go to a doctor or hospital. If an eye injury occurs, don't allow your child to touch or rub it, as this may cause even more damage. Also, don't flush the eye out with water or attempt to put any ointment on it. Instead, cut out the bottom of a paper cup, place it around the eye, and immediately seek medical attention — your child's eyesight may depend on it. If it's a burn, remove clothing from the burned area and run cool, not cold, water over the burn (do not use ice). Call your doctor immediately.

Fireworks are meant to be enjoyed, but you'll enjoy them much more knowing your family is safe. Take extra precautions this Fourth of July and your holiday will be a blast!

Taken from: http://kidshealth.org/parent/firstaid_safe/outdoor/fireworks.html

13 Quick Ways to Avoid Allergies Around the House

Allergy victims seem to be “popping up” everywhere! Here are 13 ways to make your home a nicer place for these folks suffering from allergies. (Taken from My Allergy Guide, From the makers of Zyrtec.)

1. Get daily pollen counts.
2. Spray allergen-reducing sprays inside any space; car, home, office.
3. Get a (HEPA) filter for air filter and vacuums.
4. Minimize dust mite matter. Wash sheets/blankets in hot water every week.
5. Keep pets off upholstered furniture/beds. Wash your pets regularly.
6. Wash your kid’s stuffed animals weekly in hot water.
7. Shower or bathe before going to bed.
8. Avoid or limit your time in spaces that are irritating. Know your limits!
9. On high pollen count days, keep windows/doors closed.
10. Take a break and plan a trip to a “lower level pollen count” place!
11. Stay off the grass. Exercise on asphalt, the beach or gym.
12. Don’t dry your clothes outside.
13. Watch what you wear. Use a mask when mowing or raking, long sleeves/pants help too.

Happy Father's Day

As we prepare to celebrate Father’s Day this weekend, I want to talk about how the dads of today, grow and influence the dads of tomorrow.



Where does a man primarily learn his fathering skills? He learns them from his own dad. For better or worse, when a man becomes a dad, he will draw on his own experiences with his father in order to father his child. The tagline at Dads Inc. is “building generations of involved dads and thriving kids” for that reason – the way we father leaves a legacy for generations to come. That legacy can be either positive or negative. It is up to us – today’s dads, particularly those of us with sons – to mold the future generations of our family.



With his little eyes watching every move you make, it’s easy to think you’re going to mess up no matter how hard you try. And you will. We all do because there is no such thing as a perfect parent. Just get over that fear. What’s more important is how you handle those mess-ups. Did you admit your mistake and apologize or just ignore it and move on? Remember – his little eyes are watching. That is an essential lesson for a dad to teach his son.



Additionally, I see four other lessons that are essential for dads to take the lead in positively guiding his son to understanding.



TREAT WOMEN

Chivalry? Respect? Partnership? Your son is going to take your lead on treating women this way. Whether it is your wife, your ex-wife, your mom or a total stranger, the way you interact and engage with women is the standard for how your son will treat them. If you call his mom a “bitch” – to him women can be “bitches”. But if you call his mom your friend and partner, women will be his equal and he will respect them. And really, it’s not just women, but how to treat people in general. The Golden Rule is golden for a reason.



SHOW EMOTION AND AFFECTION

How’s that old nursery rhyme go? Girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice. Boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails. So we think our sons should be a little rough and tumble, rambunctious and manly. This is all well and good, as long as “manly” means know how to control and deal with your emotions and being able to openly show affection. Dads, if you’re having violent or loud outbursts when you get mad, you are not setting the right example of how to control and properly deal with emotions. You need to show them that it is ok to cry, but it’s not ok to cuss and hit things or people. And if you’re not hugging and kissing those boys and telling them you love them every day, not only are you missing one of the most precious parts of fatherhood, you’re also instilling in them the belief that showing affection is not something men do.



GROW SPIRITUALLY

I’m not necessarily only talking about church or religion here, though those are certainly two aspects of spiritual growth. I’m talking about teaching him to appreciate ideas and concepts larger than ourselves, about nature and our impact on it, about being in awe of the Universe and all the wonders it holds. If you don’t talk about it with him or teaching him its importance, you’re stunting his growth, spiritually and intellectually. Out of wonder comes knowledge – knowledge of one’s self and one’s world.



SELF-EDUCATION

No question you should be involved in his schooling. From being active in the PTA to helping him with his homework, you need to be as active and engaged in his formal education as his mom is. But what about his time out of school? How does he come to appreciate the arts? How does he learn to learn to play a musical instrument? How does he learn to take the sound bite he hears on a political ad as only part of a larger, more complicated story? You teach him how to read, how to play, how to investigate. You teach him to learn to think on his own. You teach him it’s ok to ask questions, even to authority figures, even if that’s you. In short, you teach him to be his own man.



If you follow these rules will you raise the perfect son? Nope. But you are going to raise a fine young man. And so will he.



Happy Father’s Day!

Contributed by:

Christopher D. Maples

Dad & Director Since 2006

3833 N. Meridian Street

Indianapolis, IN 46208

(o) 317.635.DADS

cmaples@villages.org

www.dadsinc.org

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