Babysitters

Babysitters have been a part of our culture since the advent of babies. The stereotype of the teenage girl coming over to sit with the little ones while the parents enjoy a night out has been in our mind’s eye since “Leave it to Beaver” (okay…I’m dating myself). Today’s world is no different: Parents still need a night out once in a while to “get away”. It’s healthy for them, and it’s healthy for the kids. As parents however, you need to be certain about whom you are leaving your children with. As the season for Holiday parties gets into full swing, here are some basic things to consider before ever leaving your children with anyone:

1. Unless you know everything about this person, get references.
2. Ask for recommendations from other parents who have used this person
3. Interview the person before ever leaving your child with him\her…even if they are a licensed childcare provider. You should still interview them to get their philosophy on child rearing, discipline, and whether or not they have a clear and up-to-date understanding about what to expect from young children
4. Have they ever attended a “Safe Sitter” program (or something similar)
5. Do they know CPR?
6. How much experience do they have sitting for the age group in which your children fall?
7. Have you ever noticed ANY impatient or violent tendencies toward anyone or anything?
8. Make sure and leave all emergency numbers, and reinforce that it is fine if the sitter has to use them.
9. Tell your sitter that it is not okay to have guests over while they are sitting. You do not want strangers around your child whom you have never met or interviewed.

A Book Makes A Wonderful Gift

Books make fantastic gifts for anyone, especially kids, for long winters! Picture this… a snowy day outside, a warm fire in the fireplace, fuzzy slippers, your favorite book and some hot chocolate on hand. Yummy!

Adults who read in front of children, set a wonderful example for the kids, demonstrating how important reading is. When caregivers read to or with children, they share very special times together. Healthy touches and snuggles can be exchanged when reading alongside a child. Adults can ask questions about the story, about the characters, or how the ending could be different.
Magazines make good gift ideas too! Perhaps one in their stocking or a monthly subscription would make a nice gift. Consider what type of magazine or book the child might like, their reading level, and their age when choosing.

Don’t forget books for drawing, games, and word/picture finds and puzzles. No matter what a kid is “into,” there surely is a book on it! Books can open their minds to all sorts of possibilities!
Both kids and adults reap the advantages when they make reading a priority!

Toys Are Serious Business

Shopping for toys during the holidays can be exciting and fun, but it can also be frustrating. There can be thousands of toys to choose from in one store, and it's important to choose the right toy for the right age child. Toys that are meant for older children can be dangerous for younger children.
Last year, an estimated 140,700 children were treated in U.S. hospital emergency rooms after toy-related incidents; 13 children died.

The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission requires toy manufacturers to meet stringent safety standards and to label certain toys that could be a hazard for younger children. Look for labels that give age recommendations and use that information as a guide. Labels on toys that state "not recommended for children under three ... contains small parts," are labeled that way because they may pose a choking hazard to children under three. Toys should be developmentally appropriate to suit the skills, abilities and interests of the child.

Toy Buying Tips:

Under three years of age:
• Children under 3 tend to put everything in their mouths. Avoid buying toys intended for older children which may have small parts that pose a choking danger.
• Never let children of any age play with uninflated or broken balloons because of the choking danger.
• Avoid marbles, balls, and games with balls that have a diameter of 1.75 inches or less. These products also pose a choking hazard to young children.
• Children at this age pull, prod and twist toys. Look for toys that are well-made with tightly secured eyes, noses and other parts.
• Avoid toys that have sharp edges and points.

Ages 3-5:
• Avoid toys that are constructed with thin, brittle plastic that might easily break into small pieces or leave jagged edges.
• Look for household art materials, including crayons and paint sets, marked with the designation "ASTM D-4236." This means the product has been reviewed by a toxicologist and, if necessary, labeled with cautionary information.
• Teach older children to keep their toys away from their younger brothers and sisters.

Ages 6-12:
• For all children, adults should check toys periodically for breakage and potential hazards. Damaged or dangerous toys should be repaired or thrown away.
• If buying a toy gun, be sure the barrel, or the entire gun, is brightly colored so that it's not mistaken for a real gun.
• If you buy a bicycle for any age child, buy a helmet too, and make sure the child wears it.
• Teach all children to put toys away when they're finished playing so they don't trip over them or fall on them.

Cold Weather Safety and Children

OK, I get it, as we age we may not appreciate the cold weather like kids do! Snowball fights, making snowmen (and women), snow forts, and snow angels really are a blast for children. No one can deny how beautiful that first snowfall can be! Of course, the dangers of the ice and cold, are no fun for anyone. Here are some thoughts on keeping children safe and warm during the cold weather season.

1. Adequate heat in the home and car -- There are home heating assistance programs. In Indiana, call 1-800-Children, or 211 for more information.
2. Please heed any warnings about space heaters and fireplaces in the home.
3. It’s a good idea to keep a blanket in the car, and perhaps extra clothing.
4. Warm coats, hats, gloves, boots and sweaters are all necessary. See local clothing banks in your area for free or low cost apparel.
5. Watch the weather stations! Day to day, and literally, moment to moment weather and wind chills can change!
6. Children waiting for the early morning bus could be especially at risk with the cold weather.
7. Give kids playing outside after school guidelines.
8. Remind “latchkey” kids who they can go to for help, if needed.
9. Warn and watch kids who could be playing or skating on ice or sledding near trees.
10. Preteens and Teens – This group often think it’s “not cool” to wear warm layers or coats. Shorts and flip flops are very trendy right now! Talk to your older kids. Help them choose “cool” warm clothes, that they WILL wear!

Corporal Punishment In Schools

I read with interest an article pertaining to school corporal punishment (although using the term “corporal punishment” is really a euphemism. Let us call it what it really is…hitting). I’m fairly certain there are mixed opinions regarding this issue, but my concern is that many people in Indiana are still in favor of the use of physical punishment in schools. I would like to take this opportunity to share just some basic facts about hitting a child, especially in a school setting. Although there is much research on this topic, I will primarily focus on the most frequently perpetuated myths.

One myth states that if there was still paddling in schools, there would be fewer school shootings. In reality, according to the Center for Effective Discipline and the National School Safety Center’s Report on School Associated Violent Deaths (1992-2007), it was found that there were significantly more shooting deaths in states that still permitted corporal punishment.

The second myth is that since paddling was taken out of schools, there has been more violence against teachers. Actually, the opposite is true. The decline of paddling in the United States correlates with a decline of violence against teachers. Other proponents for paddling state that since paddling has been taken out of schools, that children have become lazier and are falling behind. The fact is that non-paddling states have higher ACT scores and higher graduation rates.

Another myth indicates that if you don’t paddle children when they misbehave, they will end-up in juvenile detention or jail. The reality is that eight of the top ten paddling states are the top ten states with the highest incarceration rates (Bureau of Juvenile Statistics). No one is suggesting that children should not be taught appropriate behaviors and consequences.

The bottom line is, there are too many other effective ways in which manage a child’s behavior without resorting to hitting. Paddling has been known to leave bruises, as well as broken bones and other injuries. I’m sure that we will receive comments such as “I was hit and I turned out okay”…well, I’m sure that’s probably true, but the same can be said for the use of car seats, seat belts, helmets, etc. Yes, many of us went without these objects as children and we survived. However, there were millions of children who did not survive, and now that we know the potential dangers of not using these items, we would never have our children go without these protective devices.

The last thought I have is: Can anyone imagine doing something at work that did not meet with your supervisor’s approval, and then having to endure the pain and embarrassment of being paddled…all of your co-workers knowing about it…maybe your clientele. Can you imagine how angry and hurt you would be at your work place? Perhaps you would not repeat the behavior that got you into trouble (or perhaps you would out of spite), but you would be responding out of fear, not out of respect for your boss, the rules, or your place of business. And really…how motivated would you be to continue making an effort in your job? This point is moot however, because if your boss were ever to strike you, he or she would be arrested. For some reason when a person crosses the magical age of 18, it becomes a crime for a caregiver to hit them…before that, all bets are off.

Hopefully Indiana will become one of the majority of states that ban hitting children in school.

The Most Wonderful Time…Maybe Not For All

The holidays are upon us. Unemployment continues to rise. More and more companies are laying off or considering closing, troops are still overseas and away from their families, and although the song, “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” will be echoing from ear to ear, many people are struggling.

Between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day, there is a spike in depression, crime and domestic violence. The pressure of the holidays, additional financial strains, holiday travel, cooking, cleaning, wrapping, holiday parties, loss of loved ones and rest, and many other contributors can unfortunately take a toll on a person’s physical and mental health. These factors cause mounting worry and extreme exhaustion for even the youngest children in the family, and may contribute to the rise in child abuse or neglect.

This should be a time that families look forward to, this time before the New Year, when gatherings are being planned, Santa Claus and the first Christmas story seems so near, but the pressure to get through all the hustle and bustle is also known to lead to many dangerous and life-threatening situations. Children are also very observant and at the very least, they feel stress and anxiety if their parents are stressed out over the abundant responsibilities this season brings.

To help ease the pressures of your holiday list of “things to do,” here are some tips to make this holiday season, a more relaxed and enjoyable one.

1. Check your own attitude. If you want respect and cooperation with your own family, the store clerk, a ticketing agent at the airport, your children and others in your network, you should set a good example, yourself. Prioritize, delegate, reduce, or scratch off upcoming duties and activities that affect you and the family.

2. Start preparing for the holidays early. Make lists, keep a calendar, and assign extra chores to family members, if necessary.

3. Stick to a budget during this time. Cut costs where you can. Get creative with gifting, shop sales, use coupons, decide to draw names, etc. In our home, we’re making cheesecakes as gifts. I think this is a unique present and it brings our family together to create the gift. Think about crafts, photos, a coffee get together, a favorite magazine, something creative but maybe not so expensive this year if gifts are to be exchanged.

4. Stick as close to the family routine as you can. Combine parties or stop in for only a short time so that you and the children can get your required rest.

5. Let children wind down with whatever makes them feel better. Maybe it’s soft music, reading or cuddling with you at the end of a long day.

6. Eat nutritious foods, drink lots of water and indulge in some physical exercise.

7. Talk to your children about traditions and spirituality and incorporate values into your own holidays.

8. Bring along a child’s favorite blanket or toy if you’re staying with family over the holidays.

9. Volunteer at a food bank, hospital or community center. Consider being a foster care parent. Many of these children have never or rarely experienced the traditions of Christmas, and have lived their young lives being beat, burned, starved, sexually abused, even murdered. At the present time, there are over 500,000 children in foster care, just awaiting a family to care for them. This holiday season would be a great time to consider being the gift one of these children really needs. Contact your local Department of Child Services.

10. Plan to watch a Christmas or funny movie at home, play a board game, go sled riding, attend a religious ceremony together, have a snowball fight…put the family’s physical, mental and spiritual health first.

11. Let go of the little stuff that’s weighing you down. It’s really a waste of wonderful time you could be having with those who adore you. I once read, “Stress is really knowing what’s the right thing to do, but not doing it.”

12. Be responsible. You really don’t need to drink and party to have a good time. And drinking often leads to disaster. (Take it from a child of a one-parent family, and whose father committed suicide). Many people won’t see 2010 because others chucked responsibility. Over 4,000 people die in traffic accidents each year between Thanksgiving and New Years in the United States. Almost 40% related to alcohol. 30% due to speeding and winter road conditions. Slow down and pay attention. Do the right thing. Someone is depending on you. No, everyone is depending on you.

13. Make kindness the most popular gift this holiday season. It’s always the right size and price. It fits just right. You’re sure to feel skinnier when it’s exchanged. Reach out to other families, individuals and children in your neighborhood who may facing some slight to major let downs during the holidays or who may not be near or with their own family. Offer to run errands, babysit, or invite them over to your table. At our house, we always host a Thanksgiving brunch for friends who don’t have plans until the late afternoon. It’s just a little way for me to say, “I’m thankful for all of you.”

Consider making an extra batch of cookies and deliver to shut-ins, the nursing home, a single-parent family, someone who has just lost their job, the sick, the elderly, someone you haven’t talked to in awhile and need to rekindle with or who you’ve been wanting to meet or to show you’re appreciation to. Help shovel someone’s driveway, walk their newspaper to the door, pick up a loaf of bread, decorate their tree, and stop what you’re doing to enjoy time with your own spouse, kids, grandparents and friends. Give of your time and talents. Kindness and generosity….there’s just not better gift.

Here’s to less stress, yet a richer holiday season, one that you will never forget for the steps taken to provide the level of care that all family and friends deserve. Cheers to all of you great parents, grandparents, caretakers, teachers and others who through all of the busyness, still set a good example and work to keep our children and families safe and happy.

Guest Blogger: Suzzi Romines is the Event Coordinator for Prevent Child Abuse of Dearborn and Ohio Counties. If you suspect child abuse or neglect, you can report it anonymously by calling 1-800-800-5556.

The Humor Rumor

Humor is like fire. Used wisely, it can create warmth and intimacy for us and our loved ones. However, it can also cause pain and destruction when it is used carelessly.

Many people think that humor is all about being able to tell a joke. But let’s consider the origins of the word “humor.” It comes from the Latin word “umor” which has nothing to do with a punchline. In fact, “umor” means to be fluid and flexible like water.

Think about that image. When water encounters an obstacle, it doesn’t whine, or call its best friend, or run to a therapist. It waits…building its strength until it can move under, around, over or through that obstacle. If you don’t believe me, ask anyone who lives in Indiana who has a basement!

A true “sense of humor” is an attitude, a way of greeting whatever life brings you. While it’s true that humorous people often use funny comments to deal with difficulties, more often they are simply flexible and creative in the face of obstacles.

In their book Lighten Up: Survival Skills for People Under Pressure, C.W. Metcalf and Roma Felible share humor skills that people can learn. Here are just three of the skills mentioned in this book:

• The ability to see absurdity in difficult situations.
• The ability to take ourselves lightly while taking our work seriously.
• Having a disciplined sense of joy in being alive.

When we’re in the middle of a difficult situation, sometimes the wisest course of action is to step back, to take a moment to truly see everything before deciding whether to become upset. Giving ourselves the gift of just a little time helps us to see the absurdities. And that, in turn, assists us in having a larger perspective. “How important is this really?” we might ask ourselves. That gift of time—perhaps just a few seconds—can allow us the luxury of seeing the situation for what it really is.

Many of us have difficult jobs. People are depending on us, and we don’t want to let them down. Pressure comes from all corners, and we can begin to feel that it all depends on us. We begin to feel alone. Again, that gift of time leads to the gift of perspective. We can see options we hadn’t considered before. We feel free to ask for help. The work is still serious, of course, but the truth is that it isn’t all on our shoulders.

Ah, but the third skill. That one stumped me at first. I had never seen the words “discipline” and “joy” in the same sentence! The authors of the book reminded me that many of us don’t take our own advice. We insist that friends and coworkers take good care of themselves, while at the same time we neglect our own needs. Think about it. Is there a hobby you’ve abandoned? A dear friend or relative you just haven’t had time to see? Something simple that renews your spirit, and yet you can’t remember the last time you enjoyed it?

Metcalf and Felible recommend that we be intentional about self care. In fact, they recommend that each of us start a “Joy List”—a list of things that bring you joy. The items on the list don’t have to be expensive or complicated. All they have to be are things that renew you and bring you joy. Don’t put anything on the list out of obligation to someone else. If pulling weeds in the garden truly makes you feel good, then add it; if the only reason it makes you feel good is because it will get your spouse or partner off your back, well…that’s a different matter.

Once you have a few things on the Joy List, the next step is to give yourself those things. Take that afternoon to read a book, or go fishing, or have a long lunch with someone. Make it happen and be intentional about it!

Caring for ourselves allows us to be more flexible and creative in dealing with our day-to-day challenges.